Dear Steve,
I love you but when I get home you will have to lift your game. I have become accustomed to a few things in my time away. Make sure that when you go to bed you turn the covers down for me and put a chocolate on the pillow. You will need to drive me everywhere, and when I arrive home I expect a cool towel to be handed to me as I enter the house. When I leave each day, you need to wear a funny costume and take a photo with me. I need a bar fridge near the bed with a full ice bucket at all times ready for drinks. You need to constantly smile and ask me if there is anything I need. Of course, I expect gourmet meals or at the very least a buffet with a hibachi grill, soup station and dessert bar. Last but not least, as we head out of the driveway, you need to sing the theme to the Love Boat. If you can do all of this I promise to give you the same gratuity I paid the Princess Line for their service every day ($11.50 US).
Still want me to come home next week?
Love
Den xx
PS. Costume advice below
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